Feeling SuicidalSuicide Prevention Author: - June 4, 2016
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Understand & AVOID SUICIDE

Link here: AvoidSuicide.com  ||  Therapy Info & Free Online ‘Self-Therapy’ Books

WHAT’S HERE:

  • QUICK START:   TOP 8 RECOMMENDATIONS

  • LOTS OF INFO, VIDEOS, ETC.

  • LONG LIST OF IDEAS FOR ‘AVOIDING SUICIDE’

  • RESOURCE LINKS

VIEW/PRINT A 5-PAGE PDF:

‘UNDERSTAND & AVOID SUICIDE’


TOP 8 RECOMMENDATIONS
FOR AVOIDING SUICIDE:


1.) GET URGENT HELP IF NEEDED
Go to a hospital, call 911, reach out to friends or family, or call the Suicide Prevention Lifeline (24/7) at 1-800-273-8255 (or chat online). You can also call 1-800-SUICIDE, or TEXT: 741-741. If you’re NOT suicidal, but just want to chat with a counselor (free), visit 7Cups. If you’re outside the US, click here for crisis phone lines in other countries.

If none of those options sounds good to you, try simply GOING TO SLEEP. Believe it or not, you may feel completely different after you wake up. It’s a common experience. SLEEP HELPS! So at least take a nap before you do anything drastic. 🙂 Or go for a walk, or go hang out somewhere with people. Just getting out can change your perspective pretty quickly.

If you’re not in crisis, here are our remaining top recommendations:

2.) BEGIN LEARNING TO ACCEPT ‘WHAT IS’
Since suffering is caused by wanting a reality other than ‘what is,’ happiness becomes more likely once you learn to accept ‘what is’ — accepting the unchangeable realities that make up your world. The Zen principles shared in the audiobook: The Key by Cheri Huber have changed many lives for the better. You may want to listen over and over again until the message sinks in and becomes a part of your life. (Download the MP3 or the PDF free.)

3.) UNCONDITIONALLY ACCEPT YOURSELF
Since many suicidal people struggle with overwhelming shame, stigma, guilt, and even self-hate, this can be difficult. But the most important part of learning to accept ‘what is’ is  learning to accept yourself — total, unconditional, unequivocal, radical SELF-ACCEPTANCE. That’s covered in the audio mentioned above and in other self-acceptance audio programs, books, etc. Making  forward progress is nearly impossible while hating yourself. But once you completely accept yourself, flaws and all, you’ll feel empowered to make gradual changes for the better — without overwhelming shame, guilt, and self-hate weighing you down. If you haven’t come to peace with YOURSELF, that may be the most important thing you can do to begin finding peace in life. Read or listen to There is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate. (Download the MP3 or the PDF free.)

4.) REALIZE YOUR REALITY IS BASED ON YOUR THINKING
You have control over what you choose to think and think about. Learning to keep negative thoughts from eating you alive is VITAL. Some ideas related to this are shared on ItsAllThought.com. Here’s the five-page PDF. Reading this over and over could help transform your thinking!

5.) START DOING ‘SELF TALK’ AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE
All day long — when you’re in the shower, getting ready for work, driving, going for a walk, while doing just about anything that doesn’t require much thinking — start using positive affirmations to keep your mind in a good place. Say things like: I accept ‘what is.’ I accept myself. I like myself. I love myself. I’m a good person. I’m kind. I’m loving. I’m wise. I’m gentle. I’m patient. I’m caring. I believe in myself. I’m alive and I will survive. This too shall pass. Right now, in this moment, I’m okay, and that’s all that matters! Keep a list of affirmations ready whenever fear, dread, depression, anxiety, or suicidal feelings start coming. Talking to yourself isn’t crazy — it’s good for you! 🙂

6.) RECOGNIZE THAT MANY HAVE WANTED TO DIE BUT LATER IMPROVED
It’s helpful and inspiring to know that millions of others have desperately wanted to die (and some have even attempted suicide) and have come out on the other end with happier, more fulfilling lives — grateful to still be here! A growing number of suicide survivors have shared their stories on LiveThroughThis.org. No matter how bad life seems right now, you may still be able to rebuild a life that’s truly worth living — if you can hang in there and keep fighting!

7.) REALIZE THE ENORMOUS PAIN YOUR SUICIDE MAY CAUSE OTHERS
Yes, it’s hard to stay alive just for the sake of other people. But that might be enough to get you over the hump, and allow you to turn a corner for the better! One of the biggest deterrents to suicide is knowing that if you have close loved ones or friends, your suicide will be an open wound they’ll have to suffer and endure until the day they die. Knowing a friend or loved one killed themselves hurts a lot more for some reason. This video shares some of what that feels like for those left behind.

8.) CONSIDER THERAPY & MEDICATION IF NEEDED
Most people who’ve been suicidal or severely depressed have tried meds or therapy at some point. If it doesn’t help, it’s easy to give up and consider it a waste of time and money. But it may just be a matter of finding the right therapist or the right doctor or the right meds. Often the best treatments for depression and mental illness involve therapy and medication. There are medications that can greatly reduce the risk of suicide, and certain types of CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) and DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) have been shown to reduce repeat suicide attempts by as much as 50%. DBT blends CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) with Zen principles and tries to balance the focus between ACCEPTANCE and CHANGE. Here you can watch videos and download free books on DBT skils training that you can basically use as ‘self-therapy,’ which may be especially helpful if seeing a real therapist isn’t possible.

DOWNLOAD FREE ‘SELF-THERAPY’ BOOKS WITH LIFE SKILLS THAT ARE SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED TO HELP SUICIDAL PEOPLE!

Those are our ‘quick start’ top 8 recommendations for avoiding suicide.

 

VIEW/PRINT A 5-PAGE PDF:

‘UNDERSTAND & AVOID SUICIDE’


If you have time to keep reading, there’s a lot more info below.

If not, maybe you can bookmark this page and check back later…

WHATEVER YOU DO, DON’T GIVE UP, AND DON’T LOSE HOPE!

YOUR LIFE MATTERS, AND YOU CAN MAKE IT!

“While there’s life, there’s hope, and only the dead have none.”

DON’T LET DREAD MAKE YOU DEAD.

If you’re contemplating suicide, you may feel like you’re in a black hole of despair — hopeless and helpless.

Or you may just be tired of life, with no will to live and no will to get up in the morning and do all the things you have to do each day…

 

 

For many, it’s an inner pain that drives them to suicide.

Most suicidal people don’t really want to die. They just want the pain to stop.

What Suicidal People Feel Like

Click above to view/print PDF

What Really Suicidal People Feel Like

Click to view/print PDF.

  

 

“SHAME is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.  Shame corrodes the piece of us that believes we are capable of change.”  — Dr. Brené Brown, shame researcher

“The SUICIDAL STATE in many ways is defined by an inability to effectively solve problems… Teaching people to solve problems early on (especially in the military), and not waiting until things escalate into crisis — but finding solutions to problems as soon as they are identified — can reduce the likelihood of suicide.”   — Dr. Craig J. Bryan, suicide researcher


“To understand suicide, we must understand suffering and psychological pain and various thresholds for enduring it; to treat suicidal people (and prevent suicide), we must address and then soften and reduce the ‘PSYCHACHE’ that drives it. Everyone who commits suicide feels driven to it — indeed, feels that suicide is the only option left.”   — Dr. Edwin Shneidman, renowned suicidologist (1918-2009)

10 Psychological Commonalities of Suicide

Click above to view/print PDF

Click above to view/print PDF

It should be said that, unfortunately, there’s NO INSTANT CURE to stop feeling suicidal permanently. But there is hope!

If you’re willing to hang in there and give it time, things can change, and one day in the not-too-distant future, you may be glad you chose to live… like these people.



Lithium, antidepressants, clozapine (for suicidality with schizophrenia), some other unusual substances currently being tested, and brain treatments (ECT, TMS, and DBS) are probably the closest things to instant cures for severe depression and suicidal ideation.

But results are mixed. Some things only work for some people and often only for a while. And of course, there are side effects.

 

The most effective long-term treatment is typically MEDICATION and THERAPY together.

DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) appears to be particularly effective in preventing suicide. Learn more and download a free ebook.

 

It is estimated that 90% of people who commit suicide have some type of mental illness.

Obviously, that’s huge, and nobody wants to be labeled ‘mentally ill.’ It’s a stigma, it feels shameful, and it sucks. Carson Spencer (whose sister Sally started a suicide prevention foundation after his suicide) had bipolar disorder. His sister believes “The stigma of his illness killed him more than the illness itself.” That stigma — or fear of being stigmatized — often prevents people from seeking help.

In the US, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death overall. “Suicide is the 3rd leading cause of death among persons aged 10-14, the 2nd among persons aged 15-34 years, the 4th among persons aged 35-44 years, the 5th among persons aged 45-54 years, the 8th among person 55-64 years, and the 17th among persons 65 years and older. (CDC)”

Each year, over 42,000 Americans and over 800,000 worldwide die by suicide.

In general, women are three times more likely to attempt to suicide, and men are four times more likely to commit suicide — since men typically choose more lethal means (78% of completed suicides are men).

“Bipolar disorder has the highest risk of suicide (usually during a depressed episode or mixed state) at 15-20%, followed by schizophrenia (10-15%), borderline personality disorder (10-15%), and unipolar depression (5-10%).  The presence of anxiety or substance abuse further increases the risk of suicide.

Once you take comorbidity into consideration, schizophrenia combined with a mood disorder has the highest risk of suicide (25-30%).

Borderline personality disorder has the highest risk for attempted suicide (70-80%).

Those with bipolar disorder are most likely to succeed in their attempts at suicide. For the general population, 1-in-30 attempts are successful; among those with bipolar disorder, 1-in-3 attempts are successful.” —Source

 


Let me be really honest here.

I’m personally suicidal and have been for years — semi-suicidal at least. (I’ve told doctors and therapists that I would have killed myself a long time ago if I didn’t have kids.) I’ve felt like a miserable failure and a worthless piece of shit. I’ve ruined relationships, destroyed my family’s finances, and have grown so tired of trying to feel like a normal person and ‘function’ like a normal person — so tired of failing to make any progress in life — that I’ve fantasized about death many times. I’ve longed for the escape of death. You may know the feeling.

I’m a male in my 40s. I’m bipolar II (non-psychotic) and probably also ADHD. I’m currently on a low dose of fluoxetine (generic Prozac). I was on it for over a year back in 2005-2006, and it helped. Then I stopped (because of mild side effects) and started back on it this year (2016). It helped for a month or so, but not as much after that. I probably need to get the dosage increased, but it makes me sleepy, as did the other drug I was prescribed: olanzapine (generic Zyprexa), which knocked me out, even taking half the lowest dosage. (It’s an antipsychotic med that’s sometimes prescribed even if you’ve never been psychotic). Also, for bipolar disorder, you’re not really supposed to be on only an antidepressant, since it can make you more manic (or in my case, hypomanic). Often, getting the meds right isn’t easy.

I’ve seriously considered trying lithium, since “lithium treatment reduces the risk of suicide in patients with bipolar disorder or depression by more than 60%, compared to placebo.” I just haven’t tried it yet because I’m worried about the side effects.

I was adopted at age 7. My birth mom was bipolar I and lived in and out of mental hospitals all of her adult life. She threatened suicide many times, and said she used to run in traffic hoping to die. The litany of ever-changing drugs she was prescribed for bipolar disorder (previously called manic depression) throughout her lifetime is mind-boggling. They usually worked for a while, and then didn’t. Or she’d stop taking them. She lived a miserable life all around, and I’ve wondered myself if anything could have been different for her, or if she would have been better off dead a long time ago. My mom was an angry, hostile, bitter woman. So I’d imagine that had a lot to do with her never really improving. But who knows?

My mom was a really bad case. But for many others, TREATMENT WORKS, and they’re able to live full, productive lives. Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison is a great example. She’s bipolar I and has been on lithium successfully for most of her adult life. She’s an accomplished author, psychologist and professor. Read her New York Times article: To Know Suicide. Or watch her video below.

Back to my story:

In January of this year, as I was heading into divorce, knowing I wouldn’t be living with my kids any longer, and struggling with life in a number of ways — feeling more suicidal than ever — I attended a suicide prevention seminar, hoping I might learn some things. The presenter shared a model of suicide risk that resonated with me, but seemed lacking.

That model — the Joiner Model of Suicide Risk — said that people basically killed themselves because of low/thwarted belongingness and perceived burdensomeness — combined with hopelessness for any improvement and an ‘acquired capacity’ to enact lethal self-injury. I started reading and researching, and in February, started working on a new model of suicide risk (below), that I’ve revised many times since then. It shows common risk factors that often lead people to feeling suicidal — and the factors that often become ‘the last straw.’

Model of Suicide Risk

Click to view/print PDF.

When I first emailed Dr. Joiner, the creator of that original model of suicide risk, I told him that besides the factors he had identified: low/thwarted belongingness, perceived burdensomeness (which I felt more as helplessness), and hopelessness, I was weary of feeling abnormal and coping with the affects of bipolar disorder, along with feeling overwhelming shame. I had gone through many years of living isolated and unproductive, not making much of an income (and being financially under water for over 10 years, with tax liens, etc., since our business went under); I had ruined or almost ruined relationships with my wife and older sons — often being a bipolar asshole, especially when I was angry, sleep-deprived, stressed, or ‘manic-y’ (hypomanic). Thankfully, violence and substance abuse have never been issues for me, but over-disciplining in anger and often acting like an asshole have been.

Over the past several months, working on this new model of suicide risk, researching, emailing ‘real’ suicide researchers, learning everything I could on the subject — the risk factors, and so on — has helped me wrap my mind around the issue.

But I still feel suicidal. Often. And I still struggle with many of the same issues.

As I write this, it’s June of 2016. In the past few months, I’ve been ‘on the edge’ quite a few times. And I’m honestly only still alive because of my kids — even though I no longer live with them. The thought of suicide is still an ongoing struggle. I live at the point of wanting to ‘end it’ almost every day — if I’m lucky, every other day (or sometimes longer if I’m really lucky). Though, interestingly, since I started working on this page and trying to reach out to other suicidal people, I’ve been more hopeful. 🙂

So — as I can personally attest, and has been verified to me by a number of experts — there’s usually no instant solution, no easy way to make life all better and stop feeling suicidal. But if you haven’t already discussed your personal situation with a medical professional, that’s probably the best place to start. You may find a long-term solution that will change your life.

And as you’ll probably agree if you’re reading this:

IT’S WORTH FIGHTING TO STAY ALIVE.

 


“The person who completes suicide, dies once. Those left behind die a thousand deaths, trying to relive those terrible moments and understand … Why?”


My main reason for sticking around is that I know the damage it will do to my kids if I kill myself.

It will seriously hurt or even devastate them, and it’ll have lifelong consequences and repercussions, including greatly increasing the chances that they’ll one day attempt or succeed at taking their own life.

 

“Children of those who attempted suicide have a four- to five-fold increased risk of trying to take their own lives.” — Reuters

“Suicide doesn’t stop the pain. It only passes it on to those who love you!”


Every time I think of that, I want to do everything I can to stick around.

But I certainly don’t have all the answers, and my own struggles continue.

I’m hoping to find as many ways as possible to ‘avoid suicide’ and continue adding them to this page…

I’M WRITING THIS TO ME AS MUCH AS I’M WRITING TO ANYONE ELSE WHO’S STRUGGLING WITH WANTING TO DIE.



“The most difficult thing I will ever do in my lifetime is to not take my life.”
— Therese J. Borchard

 

A WORD FROM DOUGLAS BLOCH, A DEPRESSION SURVIVOR & DEPRESSION COUNSELOR:

Suicide has been defined as a ‘permanent solution to a temporary problem.’ For the person caught in the black hole of depression, however, there is nothing temporary about the hell he or she is experiencing. The resulting sense of hopelessness is the major trigger for suicidal thoughts, feelings and attempts. This hopelessness includes:

– No hope for the future
– No hope that things will ever change
– No hope that I will ever be well or stable
– No hope that I will be able to meet my goals in life (or even have goals)
– No hope that the pain will ever stop
– No hope that I can do anything to change it
– When the psyche is assailed by this level of despair, suicide feels like the only way out.

If you are feeling suicidal, here are some thoughts that can help you to counter the suicidal urge:

Remember that you are under the influence of a ‘drug’ called depression which is distorting your view of reality. As a result, your feelings of hopelessness do not accurately reflect your true potential for recovery.

Depression, like everything else in the physical world, is cyclic. In most cases, it comes and goes; it has a beginning and an end. A useful affirmation to repeat is, ‘Nothing stays the same forever. This, too, shall pass.’

An overwhelming majority of people who have suffered from suicidal feelings have fully recovered. The odds that you will get better are in your favor.

If you have family and/or friends in your life, realize that they will be devastated by losing you. Their suffering will only add to the existing suffering in the world.

Use the techniques described in the depression survival plan (in this book) to increase your coping resources and to keep yourself safe.

Remember that feelings and actions are two different things. Just because you feel like killing yourself, it doesn’t mean you have to act on it this minute. This is one time when procrastinating is a good idea.

Do not remain alone when you are feeling suicidal. If you are feeling overwhelmed, ask for help. Set up a suicide support system with people who can spot your mood swings even before you do, and will take action to keep you safe. Make a pact that you will contact them when you are feeling suicidal. If you don’t have friends who can do this, try to locate a depression support group at a hospital or clinic.

Use your local crisis hotline as a resource. Their job is to support you through your struggle, one day at a time. If you don’t have a local hotline, call 1-800-SUICIDE.

Regulate anything in your environment that may be used to harm you. Flush old medications down the toilet, keeping only small quantities of those you take regularly. Dispose of all firearms you have, or give them to a support person for safekeeping.

Finally, remember, people do get through this, even when they feel as bad as you do right now. Here is a passage from Kathy Cronkite’s At the Edge of Darkness that was very helpful in restoring my hope:

“Part of the anxiety and dread of depression is that ‘storm in the brain’ that blocks out all possibility of sunlight. In the depths of despair that by definition murders faith, courage may have to suffice. Keep slogging. Even if you don’t believe it at the moment, remind yourself of the existence of good. Reassure yourself: ‘Once I enjoyed ‘X,’ I will again.’ The disease may have turned off the spigot of love, but it will come back.”

LEARN MORE ABOUT DOUGLAS BLOCH, A DEPRESSION SURVIVOR & DEPRESSION COUNSELOR. WATCH HIS FREE VIDEOS.

Depression that is undiagnosed, untreated or ineffectively treated is the #1 cause of suicide. “Treat it and defeat it!”

Watch Kathy Cronkite — depression survivor, mental health advocate, author of ‘On the Edge of Darkness,’ and daughter of legendary newsman Walter Cronkite — speak about depression and the risk of suicide.

 

READ: DARKNESS VISIBLE, William Styron’s highly acclaimed book on depression.

HEAR part of the book where the author describes his experience with depression.


The list of ways to avoid suicide is further down below. 

But first, here are THREE RULES for avoiding suicide.

 

3 RULES FOR AVOIDING SUICIDE:

1. DON’T FUCKING DO IT!

2. DON’T EVEN FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT!

3. IF YOU START TO THINK ABOUT IT, SEE RULES 1 & 2!

 

If that works for you, write it down and remember it. Problem solved. 🙂

 

If not, let’s move on to some more practical ways to avoid suicide…

 

Right after this disclaimer — and an admission:

 

BULLSHIT DISCLAIMER

After this page and the list below were published online, I posted a link to it on Reddit/Suicidology, asking for ideas to add to the list, and I also started sharing it on Reddit Suicide Watch posts.

One person who regularly comments on suicidal discussions on Reddit read the list below and said:


“I think your ideas are a bunch of useless trash.”

 

I understand the sentiment and wanted to include MY RESPONSE here — since I know the last thing a suicidal person wants to hear is BULLSHIT.

 

Hi, I wasn’t sure if I should respond or not. 🙂 I’m glad to know what anyone thinks about the list. I compiled the ideas, but obviously they come from many different sources.

I don’t know if you’re suicidal, and the list just seems totally inadequate to change anything about wanting to die… or, if you know of some other solutions I don’t have on there.

But I can tell you I’ve experienced similar frustrations with the ‘solutions to avoiding suicide.’

Just a couple days before putting together the list, I sent an email to a suicide researcher, saying this:

“Thanks Dr. Bryan, I appreciate you taking the time and sharing your recommendations. It seems strange that there is such a huge effort to prevent suicide (trying to get people to call the hotline, etc.), when the tools for preventing it come down to self-talk and mindgames. 🙂

I think it leaves suicidal people disillusioned when they/we find out there aren’t any magic answers — it’s like ‘why bother?’… Maybe research will uncover some better answers in the future…”

Since the desire to end your life starts and ends in your head, the way I see it, there are ultimately only two ways to avoid suicide:

Change your life, or change your brain.

Either magically change your life and make it exactly the way you want it (which is usually impossible), or work on your mind, with medications if needed, and by changing the way you think and interact with life.

Changing the way you think ‘can’ involve what seems like a lot of bullshit — I agree. I had religion (Christianity) most of my life, and then realized that was bullshit a while back.

So that leaves a hodgepodge of other ideas (or therapies/meds) a person can use to change the way they think — so they can TRY to accept life without having to blow their brains out.

I wish there were more answers/solutions, and I hope to keep looking for as many as I can find. Some things may work for some people and not others.

But if you (or anyone else reading this) knows of other ways to avoid suicide, I’d love to add them to the list. 🙂

Thanks, and I hope you don’t give up if this struggle is one you’re going through personally.

Take care!

 

 

So if you read the list below and you start to think ‘It’s all bullshit!” you might be right. 🙂 But maybe, just maybe — even though you may have heard many of these ideas before — you might find a few that can actually help you. I’d encourage you not to be too dismissive, since you never know what might work until you try it.

The biggest breakthrough I’ve experienced — taking me from the edge of the edge to at least a little further from the edge — is the idea of learning to ACCEPT ‘WHAT IS.’  I’m not a Buddhist (I’m a formerly-over-zealous-evangelical-Christian-turned-atheist), but some Zen Buddhist principles — like accepting what is — can really change the way you see your life.

Once you can begin to ACCEPT yourself, your situation, your mental state or mental health (whatever that might be), your seemingly unsolvable family or financial difficulties or other problems in life — once you can begin to accept everything in your life that is unchangeable — you may not feel as desperate to escape the misery. It’s helped me, and it may help you as well.

 

And here’s one last admission I’d like to get out of the way:

Life may in fact be inherently meaningless.

Personally, I have come to peace with believing it is. And that can be scary, because if life is ultimately meaningless, what the fuck are we all doing here anyway? I think that’s a good question, and I have no fucking clue. 🙂 Years back, I remember thinking that life is a lot like a Ponzi scheme, where we keep promising the next generation a happy, fulfilling life, while most of us never experience it. And then we die.

I personally believe the only real meaning in life — for each of us — is the meaning we choose to give it. Each of us can find meaning in family, relationships, kids, work, hobbies, fun, service to others… whatever combination of factors or activities it might be for each person. Or, we can just give up and die. We all have that option, and some of us choose it.

Some even advocate suicide as the better choice. In 1880, Leo Tolstoy, author of War and Peace and Anna Karenina, went so far as to say that life is an evil and an absurdity and that exceptionally strong people choose suicide. He said some people know that death is better than life, but choose to live on anyway — out of weakness! That’s some seriously morbid thinking!

(Later, in 1898, Tolstoy changed his tune and said that man should not only stay alive, but should “perfect himself… by serving the Universe.” He died of pneumonia in 1910 at the age of 82.)

If you can accept that life appears to have no inherent meaning and can accept the “inevitability of sickness, old age, and death” (as Tolstoy put it), you can CHOOSE TO DECIDE FOR YOURSELF WHAT IS MEANINGFUL — and relax.

FIND MEANING IN WHATEVER YOU WANT and ENJOY THE LIFE YOU HAVE.

“Life is without meaning. You bring the meaning to it. The meaning of life is whatever you ascribe it to be. Being alive is the meaning.”

“Follow your bliss.”

— Joseph Campbell

If you’re suicidal, MAKING LIFE MEANINGFUL may be an uphill battle. I’m still fighting it myself. But I’m hoping to keep on keepin’ on as long as I can, and I hope you do too!

 

Finally, here’s the list…

HERE’S A SHORTER, PRINTABLE LIST, FOLLOWED BY A MUCH LONGER LIST.

Ways to Avoid Suicide

Click to view/print PDF.

  • If you’re in crisis, call 1-800-273-8255 to talk with someone 24/7, or call 911, or go to a hospital. Do not remain alone. Get help now! If you’re at-risk, you can check yourself in. Don’t let embarrassment, shame, or anything else stop you!

  • Since an estimated 90% of those who commit suicide suffer from some type of mental disorder, you should definitely talk with your doctor, or find a therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist, and discuss your options. Therapy, antidepressants, lithium or other treatments may be recommended and could save your life! “When it comes to treatment, it may be trial and error, but if you’re not trying, that’s the error!” – Dr. John Rush

  • Especially when someone in the home is suicidal (or even thinking about it), it’s best to remove all firearms and ‘lethal means’ from the home. “Restricting access to common means of suicide … has been shown to be effective in reducing rates of death by suicide.” This is an easy way to save a life, perhaps your own!

  • Share your story on Reddit’s Suicide Watch or read posts from other suicidal people, which can help take your mind off your own problems and may even help you feel better about your own life. Consider posting responses to help others. That paradigm shift — from victim to helper — will give you strength and will help you as much or more as it helps the person you’re writing to!

  • Choose to live despite wanting to die. Accept the suicidal feelings when they come, and choose to live on anyway. Accepting suicidal thoughts and feelings (when they come) can eliminate the stress of feeling like you MUST get rid of them forever. Many people choose to go on living, though the suicidal feelings never go away completely.

  • Focus on the people you love — and who love you — and the lasting pain your suicide will cause them. It’s been said that “Killing yourself is like taking your pain, multiplying it tenfold, and giving it to the ones who love you.” And that pain may last the rest of their lives.

  • Spend time thinking about your most important reasons to live – whatever they are. If it’s your kids, imagine spending time with them, watching them grow up. Think about all the great things you’ll experience with them in the future (or what you’ll miss out on). Whatever your most important reasons for living are, focus on those whenever you start feeling down.

  • Create a list of reasons for living and a hope kit related to your memories, family, and reasons to live. Also create a safety plan and coping cards with activities / things you’ll do to get past weak moments.

  • Get really good at self-talk, positive affirmations, and/or meditation. Don’t let negative thoughts control you!

  • When you feel hopeless and want to die, tell yourself: ‘This too shall pass’ and it will… Get up, distract yourself, get out of your head and go do something — now — with other people if possible! 

  • Learn to ask yourself: Am I okay — right now, in this moment?  If you are, acknowledge it and be grateful. Release the past and don’t worry about the future. Just focus on the present moment. Once you do this enough, you’ll realize you’re almost always okay; it’ll reduce your fear, stress and anxiety. If you’re okay right now, that’s really all that matters. 

  • Recognize that depression is distorting your view of reality and that hopelessness is almost always an illusion. Your future can be a lot brighter than you imagine when depression has taken over your mind. Check out these videos on healing from depression.

  • Learn to ACCEPT WHAT IS and you’ll avoid unnecessary suffering, which is often caused by wanting a reality other than the one ‘that is.’ Read or listen to books/audios like The Key by Cheri Huber — over and over again. Training your mind to ‘accept what is’ can literally change your life forever. When you ‘accept what is,’ you realize stress and anxiety are unnecessary. All you can do is all you can do. The rest may be unchangeable. Acceptance brings peace!

  • Learn and use Zen/mindfulness techniques. Focus on the present moment and live life one moment and one day at a time. Look into DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), which blends Zen principles with cognitive therapy and is effective in helping to prevent suicide. Free DBT self-help book & info here.

  • If you struggle with shame, guilt or self-hate — as many suicidal people do — make a decision to ACCEPT YOURSELF just the way you are — REALLY. Forgive yourself, stop hating yourself, accept that you will mess up — and that’s okay. Going forward, just ‘do the next right thing.’ When you free yourself from shame, it empowers you to change for the better!

  • Read or listen to There is Nothing Wrong with You: Going Beyond Self-Hate (free PDF / MP3) or Unconditional Self-Acceptance or Radical Self-Acceptance. Read, watch or listen to anything you can on self-acceptance. Here’s a video on Unconditional Positive Regard that also has some great advice on parenting. Accepting yourself UNCONDITIONALLY can help you think about life differently. You may start WANTING to live!

  • If you’re holding on to unforgiveness or bitterness toward anyone else, choose to FORGIVE. Give up your right to hurt them for hurting you. It’s one of the most healing things you can do. “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” And don’t forget to always FORGIVE YOURSELF. Hating yourself or anyone else destroys you from the inside.

  • Men may want to check out Man Therapy, a humorous, informational site that helps men deal with life.

  • EXERCISE daily — it helps reduce depression! Even going for a brisk 20-30 minute walk every day will help. It’s also great for your health and reduces your risk of cancer, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, and dementia.

  • Make sure you get enough SLEEP and relax often. Not getting enough sleep can lead to a worsening mental condition, besides other health problems. Take good care of yourself. You’re worth it!

  • Avoid alcohol and drugs, which will only make your problems worse. Join a support program and find an accountability partner if needed. If substance abuse is a serious problem, do everything you can to get into rehab. Those with substance abuse issues are nearly six times more likely to attempt suicide.

  • Write daily in a journal. Release all your thoughts — it’s therapeutic! Write down all your stresses and stressors, everything that’s making you anxious.

  • Consider keeping a gratitude journal where you can write down things you’re thankful for on a daily basis — and read it when you’re feeling down.

  • “Take a minute each day to call or email someone to express gratitude of some type. Consider someone you haven’t spoken with in a long time.  It can be a one-line text or a five-second voicemail.”

  • As strange as it sounds, try recording yourself talking to yourself. Record yourself saying, ‘I love you’ and speaking to yourself compassionately — saying the things you wish a parent or friend would say to you. Say things like: ‘I’ve got you,’ ‘You can do this,’ and ‘You’re perfect just as you are.’ Then listen over and over. It may sound crazy, but it works.

  • If possible, see a therapist regularly. Share your thoughts and feelings honestly and transparently. It’s been said that ‘You’re only as sick as your secrets.’ Telling the truth to at least one person can help set you free.

  • Find a good friend who will listen. Talking releases stress!

  • Get connected socially. Spend time with friends and family. Don’t allow yourself to become isolated! Find a support group or some other type of group and stay connected! Social isolation is correlated with suicidal ideation more than almost any other factor. BE. WITH. PEOPLE. It’s important!

  • “Schedule at least one group dinner with friends per week.  Get it on the calendar by Monday.  Ideally, have at least three people, but two is still great medicine.”

  • Schedule special events, outings, mini-trips and vacations — whatever you can afford — to give yourself exciting things to look forward to.

  • Write your short-term goals and long-term goals — as well as a list of dreams and desires. Re-read (or even re-write) your goals daily to keep your mind focused on achieving them!

  • Create a vision board. Visualize and plan your future exactly the way you want it. Take at least one step every day toward your goals. Reward yourself for progress!

  • Realize you can make new and better choices every day — to improve your life. You are in control, and you have the power to change your life one step at a time.

  • Learn to savor life as you live it each moment. Appreciate the small things. Pay attention to all your senses. Notice the beauty in everything. Cherish your relationships. Don’t take anyone or anything for granted. Remember that life is short, and you certainly don’t need to make it any shorter. This is it. Be happy now.

  • Dismiss negative, depressing thoughts — don’t allow yourself to ruminate on them. Only allow yourself to dwell on positive thoughts. Realize you actually create your reality — the reality you experience — moment by moment, as you choose what you allow yourself to dwell on.

  • Realize ‘it’s all thought’and that you have complete control over what you choose to think and how you see the world and everyone around you.

  • Read inspiring/motivational/self-help articles and books. Listen to helpful audiobooks and podcasts, and search YouTube for videos on depression help, happiness, and related topics. If you continually feed your mind the good stuff, it’ll be a lot less likely to dwell on the negative!

  • Read inspiring stories of people who attempted suicide, lived to tell about it, and now live happier lives.

  • Find an outlet for helping others, volunteering in some way, sharing your time and giving of yourself. It can be the fastest way to happiness, since humans seem to be wired to find true fulfillment in helping others. As you help others, your own problems will begin to seem smaller!

  • Find meaningful work — a job that excites you — where you can get in flow state doing something you enjoy doing. Studies show this is an important key to happiness.

  • Let go of all your pride and seek whatever help you need wherever you can. Don’t stop until you get the help you need.

  • Apply for government assistance and/or disability if needed. Seek help from non-profit organizations or churches.

  • If you can’t afford medical treatment or medication, apply for Medicaid, which can also cover psychotherapy and psychiatric medications.

  • Bookmark this page and re-read this list whenever you need a reminder!

  • Check out the recommended resources below, and see if you find anything helpful.

  • No matter what you’re going through, DON’T GIVE UP and DON’T LOSE HOPE! You can make it — one day at a time. Your future self will thank you!

 

If you know of other WAYS TO AVOID SUICIDE or have any ideas for improving this page, please LET US KNOW!

 

Resources, Links, Helpful Videos, etc. 

If  you know of resources that should be added to this list, please SHARE THEM!

A Note from Dr. Craig J. Bryan, Psychologist, Suicide Researcher, and Executive Director of the National Center for Veterans Studies

“One thing I’ve learned in my work with suicidal individuals is that the wish to die may not change much for some people. Because of this, I like to ask why people choose to live despite wanting to die. What is worth living for? You mentioned your kids. My guess is there are other things in your life that are also worth living for. The challenge is that when our desire to die becomes really strong and we’re in the pit of darkness and despair, it’s really hard to remember our kids, our pets, our loved ones, our life goals, etc. It’s not that they don’t exist anymore… we just can’t access them from our memory bank very easily. So what I’ve found really helpful is practice. Practice thinking about your kids. Imagine your favorite moments in life with them. Think about what it is about them that’s so wonderful and fulfilling. Think about all the great things you’ll see them doing as they grow up. It sounds silly, but it’s one of the most effective strategies I’ve found thus far. The more you think about your many reasons for living, the easier it is to deal with the darkness.

Here’s a smart phone app that I like to use to help facilitate that process: https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/virtual-hope-box/id825099621?mt=8.
My patients absolutely love it, and perhaps you will as well.

Here’s a final key point I’ve learned: it’s possible that the wish to die will always be there. This really sucks (to be blunt), and it’s probably not what you want to hear, but I’ve learned that that’s just how it is sometimes. Despite this unfortunate reality, people can still live lives worth living. It’s sort of like diabetes: you can’t get rid of it, but just because you have it doesn’t mean you can’t live a fulfilling life. I’ve also been known to say something that I learned from a supervisor many years ago: ‘Just because you were dealt a bad hand in poker, doesn’t mean you can’t win. You just gotta’ know how to play the game.’”

 

 

How to Help Someone Who Is Thinking About Committing Suicide

 

 

What if someone has a terminal illness or is truly living in horrible pain or misery, don’t they have a right to choose death?

That’s the million-dollar question, and opinions fall all along the spectrum. There are countless arguments for and against euthanasia, the right to die, death with dignity, etc. Since I started this post by sharing my own story, I’ll share my personal opinion on this. I believe people should have the right to die, and I may exercise that right myself one day. Though, as I’ve said, I do hope to stick around as long as possible.

The issue of suicide and suicide prevention is a sticky subject. We never really know what’s best for anyone, and none of us can see the future. So all we can do is encourage people do everything possible to get help and stay alive. Many people are alive today who desperately wanted to die at one time or another, and many who attempted suicide and are alive today are thankful to still be here.

So while some people may ultimately choose to end their lives and may feel certain it’s the right decision, since we never really know, all any of us can do is encourage people to choose life — hoping and believing it’s the best choice. If you’re like me and you believe we only go around once, and that this is all there is, then sticking around and making the most of it while we can, certainly seems to make sense. Each of us has to make that decision for ourselves. Hopefully, we all choose well. 🙂

 


May you live long and prosper! 🙂

Take care,
Mark

 

Link here: AvoidSuicide.com  ||  Therapy Info & Free Online ‘Self-Therapy’ Book

Posted by: Mark
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